


The Ghost of You and Me

by Skymelody14



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/F, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Highschool AU, I'll add more tags if I think of them whoops, Past Character Death, Slight OOC, Steven isn't actually in this whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9680432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skymelody14/pseuds/Skymelody14
Summary: “Hey,” I barked, my voice shaking her out of her state, “Is anyone sitting here?” I motioned to the seat across from her and she quickly shook her head no. “I’m Lapis, Lapis Lazuli,” I said as I slid into the seat, dropping my bag to the floor before sticking out my hand. “And you are?” I questioned after a few moments of stifling silence.“Peridot,” she choked out, “Peridot Olivine.” She grabbed my hand with slight caution, shaking it with surprising tenacity. Showing a smile gentler than her normal grimace, she pulled her hand back and set it in her lap. I couldn’t stop the grin that showed on my face.“It’s nice to meet you, Peridot.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is actually the short story that I wrote for my creative writing outcome last semester. I based the original story off of the Steven Universe characters and changed their names when I turned it in for the class. I decided that I wanted to post it as an SU fanfiction, so I replaced a couple of names and ended up with this. Some of the characters may seem a bit ooc and the atmosphere might be a bit off, but I really wanted to post this anyways. That's enough rambling from me, enjoy the story!

The morning of January 28th was frigid and dark. It was quiet outside, frost clung to the grass and an icy breeze broke through the sharp winter air. The peace was shattered by the blare of my alarm clock from my bedside table, ripping me from my sleep and casting me back into a cruel and unwanted reality. A frown grew on my face as I turned over and slammed my palm down onto the snooze button. Even when the room grew quiet once more, I found no sense of relief in the empty and heavy silence. I sighed quietly, dropping my head into my hands and sliding further under the covers. I felt no desire to face the world when Peridot wasn’t a part of it. My mother’s shrill voice echoed through the house, “Lapis, put on your dress and get ready!” and I held back the bitter complaints rising to my tongue. I couldn’t face reality on this cruel morning, and I wasn’t sure if I ever could again. I wondered solemnly if my dead girlfriend would mind if I missed her funeral. Then again, I don’t think dead people mind many things.  
~•~•~•~  
“No, the church is on 3rd, not 9th, Amy sent me the directions last night... Of course, I’m sure... Do you really think I want to be responsible for our daughter being late?” My mom’s scowl grew larger as she spoke through the receiver of the phone, violently slamming the car horn when the car in front of her came to an abrupt stop. I held back a sigh at my parent’s familiar arguments, turning away from my fuming mother and staring out of the window. The winter sky seemed more dull than usual. Then again, everything did.   
“Lapis, we’re here,” my mom exclaimed, parking on the side of the road as she turned to face me. Her eyes skimmed over my outfit, disapproval in her eyes. “That skirt’s a little short for a funeral L,” she chided, “Are you sure you didn’t have anything nicer in your closet?”   
“This was Peridot’s favorite,” I muttered, allowing my usually well-disguised resentment to slip into my tone. I looked down at my outfit- a knee-high black dress with lace sleeves and dark blue leggings underneath- and I doubted I could find anything any more modest in my closet if I tried. I guess I shouldn’t have expected my girlfriend dying to change my parent's opinion of me, they never approved of our relationship in the first place. In all honesty, they might have been happy to see her go.   
“I’ll see you after the funeral,” I snapped, pushing open the car door and slamming it shut with all the force I could muster. I was on my way into the church before my devilish mother could even think about reprimanding me.   
~•~•~•~  
The inside of the church was even more dismal than the outside, with black ribbons hanging from the ceiling and a pile of plastic flowers lying on the table at the front of the church, their bright white color so artificial that they seemed to mock Peridot’s death. A dark oak coffin lay open as the centerpiece of the event, decorated with deep mauve velvet, with floral designs etched into the sides. As my eyes scanned the dismal funeral setting, the loud slam of the main door opening and closing came from behind me, followed quickly by a shocked exclamation. “Lapis! You’re here...”   
At the familiar voice, I whipped around to face a short, dark-skinned girl with a sad smile gracing her features. “I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t show,” she solemnly joked, throwing her dark hair over her shoulder. Her gaze grew serious, but the smile remained on her lips, “We’ve missed you L.” I felt my sour mood lift slightly, and the ghost of a smile grew at the corner of my lips.   
“I’ve missed you too, Amethyst,” I murmured. She threw her arms around my waist, and I accepted her hug stiffly, worried that I would melt into tears right then and there. She pulled back after a long moment, turning around and looking towards the back of the room. Two other girls stood watching us, leaning against the wall and scrutinizing us with wary expressions. The tallest of the two motioned towards me with her hand, and Amethyst seemed to shrink under her authoritative gaze as she looked back to me.   
“Lapis,” Amethyst choked out, “I know you don’t want my help, but Pearl and Garnet are worried about you,” she glanced back to her aforementioned friends, whose grim expressions were beginning to make sense.   
“Frankly, “ Amethyst continued, “I’m worried too. You and Peridot weren’t doing that well after everything that happened, and now this–” she slowly trailed off as she spoke, her smile dissipating with each word. Her masked accusation pushed me further and further towards the anger and guilt burning inside of me, even though I knew she was right. What happened to Peridot was one-hundred percent my fault.   
“I’ve got to go,” I snapped, guilt washing over me at Amethyst’s shocked and hurt expression. I turned away with deliberate speed, wrapping my arms around my shoulders in a desperate attempt to hold myself together, as if my hands were super glue that could put my heart back in one piece.  
~•~•~•~  
I threw open the front door to the house with vicious force, wincing as it crashed into the wall. With a much gentler nudge, I pushed it closed and turned the lock, letting out a sigh of relief at the escape from the pitying glances that followed me everywhere I went. The house was silent in my presence, my parents mostly likely at work already, and For once, I felt a wave of gratefulness at their unwarranted absence. Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself off of the door and stumbled up the stairs, pausing as I reached the top before striding into my bathroom and closing the door behind me. I turned to face the bathroom mirror, switching on the lights and staring into my tired eyes. My hair was pulled back into a tangled and frizzy high ponytail that shone with grease after days of being ignored, and my natural brunette hair showed through the prominent streaks of blue hair dye that had, at one point, fully covered the dull brown. My normally bright and smooth tan skin had a sickly pale tint, and my bright blue eyes were dull and red-rimmed from countless nights without sleep and hours of unending tears. Paired with the remnants of makeup from a couple days before, eyeliner and mascara spread around my cheeks and eyes, I looked, well, I looked like someone whose girlfriend had just died. I rubbed my eyes, further smearing mascara and eyeliner across my skin, and leaned against the marble countertop while resting my head in my hands. When I finally pulled my head up, I caught a glimpse of a heart-wrenchingly familiar figure standing behind me.   
“Peridot?” I whispered, staring at the reflection girlfriend in disbelief. My dead girlfriend. I frantically spun around to stare straight into Peridot’s face, her existence more than just an image in the mirror. She looked just like she had every day before her death, her blonde hair messily pulled back and a small -somewhat annoyed- smile on her face, her glasses perched precariously on the bridge of her nose. She was wearing what she had before the accident, dark green leggings and a plain white t-shirt that fell just past her waist donning her thin figure, a familiar necklace with a brilliant green gemstone resting around her neck. Her shoes were covered in mud, with blades of grass caught in the laces and dirt smeared across their milky white surfaces. I reached out to her, my mouth opening and closing without words as I searched for an apology, but the moment my hands grazed her form, it changed.   
I saw the aftermath, the horror, the images that haunted me when I closed my eyes. Her glasses were missing from her face, replaced by a covering of dirt and a scar filling the majority of her forehead, covering her pale skin with a deep, alien red. Her jaw was pushed unnaturally to the side, dislocated in the crash, and her shirt was stained crimson red. Her arms and legs were bent in inhuman ways, and angry red scars and bruises were scattered across her chest. Her eyes, the vibrant green pools that had made me fall in love with her, were boring into mine with an emptiness that didn’t belong to Peridot. Before I could register what happened, I was on the floor gasping for air and shivering. The bathroom was suddenly colder than before, and the image of her sat freshly in my mind. Arms stretched out before me, forever reaching for something that wasn’t there.   
•~•~•~•~•  
When I first saw her, she was just another face in the hallway. I caught a glimpse of bright blonde hair before I was swept away by the crowd. I didn’t really notice her until much later, weeks or months after that moment in the hall. I was stumbling into the library with my head down, but as soon as I raised my head, I caught a glimpse of obnoxious bleach-blonde with striking emerald green eyes. Her detached scowl sent a shiver down my spine and sending a flutter through my stomach much different than the immediate warmth that usually came with recognition. About a month after that, I lazily dragged my bag into the library with drooping shoulders and a loose scowl to match the gloomy sky behind me. I found my usual seat in the back of the library, throwing my bag onto the table and falling into the seat. I looked up at a loud thud from across the room to see the girl with the bleached hair waltzing into the library and dropping her things into a chair. I glanced at the clock on my phone; it was 8:56 on the dot. She arrived at this time every day, without fail. She’d come in, sit down, and stare down at the table for 40 minutes. She never got out any work done, or talked to anyone, she just... sat there. I couldn’t help but wonder why. On that day, however, I got fed up with speculation. My arms shoved my work into my bag of their own accord and I slung it over my shoulder with unnecessary force as I traipsed over to her table. She sat with her head down, her eyes blank and unfocused. “Hey,” I barked, my voice shaking her out of her state, “Is anyone sitting here?” I motioned to the seat across from her and she quickly shook her head no. “I’m Lapis, Lapis Lazuli,” I said as I slid into the seat, dropping my bag to the floor before sticking out my hand. “And you are?” I questioned after a few moments of stifling silence.   
“Peridot,” she choked out, “Peridot Olivine.” She grabbed my hand with slight caution, shaking it with surprising tenacity. Showing a smile gentler than her normal grimace, she pulled her hand back and set it in her lap. I couldn’t stop the grin that showed on my face.  
“It’s nice to meet you, Peridot.”  
~•~•~•~  
“Lapis! Where are you? Dinner’s ready!”   
At my mother’s familiar, screeching yell, I peeled back the shower curtain and searched the bathroom for any remains of my dead girlfriend’s ghost. After my encounter with the paranormal, I had immediately jumped into the shower and pulled the curtain closed, spending the next hour or so kneeling in said shower with my knees to my chest. In hindsight, the shower may have been a poor hiding choice, but at the time my solution had seemed genius. Finding no sign of any vengeful spirits, I crawled out of the shower and opened the bathroom door. The lights in the house seemed almost menacing, a tint of green emanating from the bulbs. Shaking off my paranoia, I crept down the stairs and into the kitchen where my parents sat at our huge, over-priced dining table. Peridot had loved to make jokes about how rich my family was, but sitting at our thousand-dollar table with my hand perfectly folded in my lap, I found it difficult to laugh at my home life.   
“So, Lapis,” my father began, without looking up, sliding his knife into a juicy piece of steak on his plate as he spoke, “how was the funeral?” It took all of the willpower I had not to roll my eyes. My parents hardly cared about me, let alone Peridot or her funeral.   
“It was lovely,” I muttered, violently stabbing my own fork into my piece of steak. My mother winced as the knife scraped against the plate, the loud screech of metal and china filling the room, and she calmly set her delicately folded napkin on the table. My father’s expression grew cold at my response, his lips set in a tight line.   
“Lapis,” my mother scolded, “I know it's been difficult since the accident, but it's been almost three weeks now. Your grades have dropped, you’ve hardly left your room, and we all know that you’re going to have to go back to school eventually.” I set my knife back onto the table, clenching the tablecloth in my fist. My nails stung as they burrowed into my palm, and unbridled anger burned in my chest, one that I hardly minded. If anything, I welcomed the familiar familial fury.   
“Well, mother,” I spat through clenched teeth, “I doubt you quite understand how I feel, do you? No, because you are just so perfect, all of the time!” I rose to my feet, pushing away from the table and raising my voice to a shout. “You think everyone should be perfect all the time! Well, guess what, I’m not perfect! And I’m never going to be!”   
The room fell into complete silence, my parents staring back at me with expressions of shock. At first, I was sure they were stunned by my outburst until I noticed the silverware hovering inches above the table. “Lapis?” my mother whispered hoarsely, “What did you do?” The light above the table flickered and burnt out, the ground rumbling due to an unseen force.  
“I’m not doing this,” I breathed.   
The room fell into all-consuming darkness, and the last thing I heard was my mother’s scream before I turned and sprinted upstairs. Or, it would have been, if the second level hadn’t been blocked off by the ghost that had haunted my bathroom just hours earlier, Peridot’s ghost. She opened her mangled mouth, letting out an inhuman screech that rattled my skull and shook the floor beneath me. I fell to the ground, my hands flying upwards and clutching at my ears. The screech continued a moment longer until it morphed into something recognizable. Her form seemed to glitch and fade until I was looking once more into Peridot’s unharmed face and concerned expression.   
“Lapis!” she shrieked as I opened my mouth again to scream, “It’s me!”   
I let the rising scream fade in my throat, my mouth still hanging agape. I looked back to the girl so familiar to the one I loved, examining her bitterly familiar frame. Everything, even her blinding bright emerald gaze, was uncanny. This was Peridot, no denying it. My dead girlfriend was back, and all the feelings I had been learning to repress came with her.   
•~•~•~•~•  
“Lapis! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”   
I turned around to be greeted by a mop of bleach blonde hair, Peridot’s bright emerald eyes meeting my own. I allowed a smile mirroring her own to cross my face, tucking my hair behind one ear. It was still a bright, ocean blue even after a week of dyeing it, the smooth strands falling around my face.   
“Peridot!” I cried, throwing my arms around her and resting my chin on her head. “How’s it going shorty?” I teased, pulling away from her in time to catch a glimpse of her disapproving scowl. I playfully ruffled her hair, grinning at her irate expression.  
“I do not approve of this mockery,” she muttered, pushing my hand away from her head. She smoothed down her hair and glared at me with contempt in her gaze. But a smile still pricked at the edge of her mouth, and I smiled at my quiet victory. “Whatever, let's go get lunch before we have to go back to class,” she growled, and we began to walk down towards the cafeteria with our strides matched. I looked down at Peridot with a warm gaze, the thick and sweet feeling stuck in my chest feeling a tad bit more than friendly.   
“Hey, Peridot,” I murmured, causing her to cast her gaze upwards at me. My confidence wavered beneath her steadfast eyes, and I glanced away for a moment. Sensing that something was out of order, she stopped in her tracks and turned to face me.   
“What's wrong?” She asked, placing her hand gently on mine as we both halted in our steps. In that moment, I made up my mind.   
“I'm gonna try something,” I whispered, placing my hand on the side of her face. Understanding dawned in her eyes, and they glowed as she nodded slowly. When our lips finally met, neither one of us was hesitant.   
•~•~•~•~•  
I slept restlessly that night, tossing and turning and staring up at the ceiling with a tired frown. Despite the fiasco at dinner, when I ran from Peridot and fell into the kitchen, it was as if nothing had occurred at all. My parents were back at the table, staring at me with disapproving eyes. By the time my alarm rang that morning after only an hour of sleep, I wondered if it had happened at all. But, as I pushed my bangs out of my face, I found myself once more face to face with green eyes and a lazy smile. I managed to keep myself from screaming, but not from shoving Ghost Peridot off of my bed with surprising force for being half-asleep. The jarring sound when she hit the ground seemed to confirm that she was, in fact, real, or at least that my brain was convinced she was.   
“What the hell Peridot!” I shouted, looking down at the girl cowering on my floor.  
She simply smirked, her hand pressed against her left leg. I could see a scar peeking out from the bottom of her leggings, the only one there before the crash that had taken her away from me. Looking at it then, I remembered the scars that were there after the crash, and the anger fizzled out in my chest.   
“Sorry,” I murmured, holding out my hand in some attempt to keep the peace. Based on the grateful smile she gave me, it must’ve worked. Neither one of us had ever been great with empathy and compassion anyways.  
“So,” Peridot began, “What’re you doing today?” She blinked at me, and my mouth opened automatically to let words spill out into the air between us; but then I caught a glance of something behind Peridot, two delicate necklaces visible from my bed and decorated respectively with a deep blue and bright green gem. At the sight, I pulled my hand away from her as if it had been burned, snapped back to reality in the blink of an eye.   
“I have to go to school,” I deadpanned, the sight of Peridot a weight sitting on my chest and sinking into my stomach. But no, this wasn’t Peridot, Because Peridot was dead. I left my room like it too was on fire, the stinging image of heartbreak and false hope still clear in my mind.  
~•~•~•~  
If I thought I hated school before, I wondered what you would call the feeling I had towards it now. Burning, fiery enmity seemed to be an accurate depiction of my feelings towards said hellhole as I shuffled down the hallway with my head down, avoiding the pitying stares of the students around me. After a fair stretch of hallway, someone called out my name, their hurried footsteps pounding as a familiar figure caught up with my long stride.   
“Lapis, I didn’t know you were coming back today,” Amethyst cheerfully greeted, careful to make her voice indecipherable to the curious students milling around us. I kept my sight cast on the ground beneath my feet, resulting in an impatient sigh from her. “Lapis, I know you’re upset, with good reason, but you have to talk to someone. You can’t keep shutting me out!” Amethyst raised her voice as she spoke, attracting the intrusive gazes of people around us.   
“Maybe not,” I hissed under my breath, “But maybe I could shut you up. You don’t think I have enough attention on me already?” Amethyst’s gaze was unsympathetic as she stepped in front of me, cutting off my escape route. I bit my lip and looked back to Amethyst, who stood with her hands settled firmly on her hips.   
“I know you’re heartbroken over Peridot’s death,” she mused, her words concise and cold, “But so are we. You weren’t Peridot’s only friend and you certainly weren’t her best one.” Her gaze hardened and her jaw set, her stance tall for her short stature. By that time, the hallways were emptied, only the two of us left standing.   
“I know that,” I whispered, my heart breaking at the realization.   
“You hurt her,” Amethyst choked, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. I sensed her patience snap before I saw it. “It’s your fault that she’s dead!” she screamed, the words sharp and cruel and horribly true. Amethyst clamped a hand over her mouth as soon as the words left them, shock and guilt replacing the fire in her expression. And then, we heard a voice that neither of us expected but both of us recognized.   
“I would think twice about that Amethyst,” Peridot growled, stepping out of the shadows in the hall. Amethyst instinctively took a step back, a sob catching in her throat as she looked into Peridot’s face. Amethyst’s face was stricken with shock, but Peridot’s was cold and built of stone. “You tried to hurt Lapis,” she chuckled with a disturbing lilt, her voice sending a shiver down my spine. She was different. Something was wrong. Peridot was dead and this was her ghost. One who wouldn’t feel sorry to see her best friend dead alongside herself. Peridot had always been terrified of death, and staring into her ghost’s cold and unfeeling eyes, I could finally see why. My shriek of warning was lost to Amethyst’s own cry of terror as the ghost of Peridot reached out with an arm, clutching Amethyst’s throat and pulling her off of the ground with inhuman strength.  
“Amethyst!” I screamed, my voice breaking as I sprinted forward, pounding my hands against the ghost’s unfading frame in desperation. Amethyst’s eyes were wild and desperate, her face turning purple, but Peridot wasn’t moving. I had to do something to protect the one person I cared about that was still alive.  
“Well, Peridot,” I hissed through tears I hadn’t noticed falling, “I guess I was right.” Her hands loosened on Amethyst’s neck, and I knew my plan was going to work. It had to.   
•~•~•  
Looking back on that day, I couldn’t remember much of what really happened. I remembered screaming, I remembered the shade of purple on Amethyst’s skin and the gray light shining through the hall window. I remembered flashes, like snapshots of the things I can’t bear to remember in full. The way Amethyst’s chestnut hair reflected the light even when it was going out in her eyes, or how corruption looked in brilliant green eyes.   
•~•~•  
“I’m doing this for you L,” Peridot chuckled, her grin full of malice and eyes full of evil. This wasn’t Peridot, this was merely her shadow. The parts she wasn’t proud of, the person she never wanted to be. She would’ve hated this so much. Amethyst was right, Peridot was her best friend. If Peridot wasn’t already dead, seeing this would’ve killed her.  
“Don’t bother,” I seethed, “My life would be better if you were dead.”   
Out of all the things I learned on that day, what struck me the most was that heartbreak looked the same in the face of a ghost as it did on the face of a girl; but that didn’t matter. The damage was done, and in the next instant, Peridot’s ghost was gone. The ache left behind was as familiar as Peridot’s heartbroken face, green eyes full of pain and anguish. I knew in that moment that Peridot’s ghost, and Peridot herself, were gone for good.   
And it was all because of me.

•~•~•~•~•  
I was so ashamed of what I’d done, wanting nothing more than to blame Peridot for what happened but knowing all the same that everything during that night was my fault. I would have done almost anything to escape the suffocating guilt for even a moment and push it onto her. But that wouldn’t take away the horrible truth about what happened, and why. I kept pushing Peridot away, hurting her and breaking her and ruining the one good thing in my life. That night… I told her that my life would be better if she were dead. I said aloud the thing I knew she had always thought and thrown it in her face, I broke her heart. So when I got the phone call three nights after, I knew what it meant. I knew what had happened and that I couldn’t do anything about it. Peridot was dead, and it was my fault. I pulled my knees up to my chest, choking on a sob and dropping my head. I caught a glimpse of green from where I sat, a shimmering gem sitting on my desk, glaring back at me from my spot on the bed. It was a necklace, with a delicate gold band and an emerald jewel, a beautiful shade of green that rivaled her eyes. I bought it for her our freshman year, and when she wore it, it made her eyes glow brighter than before. It was always around her neck, still warm when I found it laying in the dirt, a crack splitting the delicate jewel into two. I used to complain that she never wore anything else. and I had bought her another necklace for her birthday, with an ocean blue stone, to replace the emerald necklace. She always said that it reminded her of my eyes, but she never seemed to wear it. But that night, before she left, she had thrown two necklaces onto my desk, having torn them off of her neck with unwarranted force. In her haste to leave, she lobbed the emerald necklace into the wall, shattering it in an instant. The sapphire gem remained intact. It was horrifically coincidental, a morbid mirror of real life. But Peridot’s death left me more broken than her gem, more empty than I could stand. It seemed impossible that I could ever move on.  
•~•~•~•~•  
The morning of May 28th was bright and warm, the yellow light from the sun poured through the open window and onto my bed in an attempt to coax me out of it. My alarm began to ring quietly, and I immediately reached over to silence it. My room filled once more with a peaceful quiet, and I lay back into my pillows. The silence was quickly broken, my mother’s shrill tone calling for me to get up and get dressed, as it did every morning. I held in a tired sigh, flinging my blanket off and rising to my feet. My hair fell back into my face, and I brushed it away as I threw together an outfit and regrettably changed out of my pajamas. My mom’s urgent yell echoed once more through the house as I moved into the bathroom and plugged in the straightener.   
“We have plenty of time mom!” I called back as I ran the flat iron through my messy brown hair, throwing it into a ponytail and looking into the mirror. My skin was, luckily, mostly clear, and I deduced that the remains of makeup from the day before would be more than enough. I ran the straightener once more through my bangs before stepping back to admire my handiwork. My hair was back to its regular mousy brown, the blue dye finally fading completely. I hadn’t been back to the salon, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to dye it blue again anyways. The color was no longer my favorite, shades of blue forever tainted by sapphire necklaces and sleepless nights. Blue seemed too solemn now; I had been trying to work on being positive. Blue hair seemed to be a reminder of the many days where positivity had been completely out of the picture. Plus, I was beginning to appreciate my natural hair. I shook off the memories that constantly threatened to overwhelm me and left the bathroom. I turned to my room once more, grabbing the emerald necklace from my desk. A little after Peridot’s ghost disappeared, I had glued the gem back together. It wasn’t worth a lot anymore, but its symbolism was far more valuable. I hadn’t gone a day without wearing it since.  
Amethyst was waiting for me by the time I finally left the house, a smile on her face and a cast on her foot. She had broken it during the accident, but it didn’t keep her from going anywhere. I had learned a lot from her in the past months. We had bonded over memories, and it had been shocking to find that we had a lot in common. Peridot had good taste in friends. I hopped into my mom’s car next to Amethyst, my heart aching at the unforeseen memory of Peridot. Even now, months after everything, I would still occasionally find myself incapacitated by a memory or a thought of her. After I moved past all of the guilt and self-hatred over Peridot’s death, I found the biggest problem to be how much I missed her. Some days I would wake up and expect to see Peridot next to me, or I would wonder why she wasn’t in science class. Sometimes I would start texting her before remembering that there was no more Peridot to text. She hadn’t just been my girlfriend, she had been my best friend. And her absence was always obvious. But with every day that I woke up and kept on living, I found hope that one day, her absence wouldn’t feel so much like a black hole. I knew I would never stop missing her, but maybe, eventually, doing so wouldn’t hurt as much. I would go more than an hour without thinking of her, and the guilt would feel less like drowning. It wouldn't happen today, or tomorrow, maybe it would take years before I could be okay, and wanting Peridot was something that would last forever after that. But someday, maybe I wouldn’t need her. Until then, I would keep on living. That was more than enough for now.


End file.
